Today I quit my job.

And if by giving 6 months notice constitutes as quitting my job, then I’ll take it.

I always envisaged that one day, I would board a plane bound for some far off destination, and fall madly in love with the nomadic lifestyle, never to return and sharing this news from afar for others to have to fill the void which I have left. This was not how things have played out.

Let me start by rewinding back a few years.

It is 2013. At 22 years old, I am a younger and more enthusiastic version of myself, fresh out of university and metaphorically clutching a one-way ticket to North America with the goal to travel and work overseas for 1-2 years – as is a common right of passage for many in their 20s.

However, there were two things which I hadn’t counted on. Two things – which I don’t see as regrets – but of which drastically altered the course of my next few years.

I was still with my boyfriend at the time, and he begged and pleaded for me to stay. In all fairness, I shouldn’t have even thought about leaving while still in a relationship. But I was deeply unhappy at this stage and I knew it. I think we both did.

I had also just been offered a permanent full time position at the company that I was temping at to save money for my new life abroad. Although it wasn’t a role I enjoyed in the slightest, I saw it as a stepping stone to get me a better role further down the line.

The two things converged all at once, and the decision was made over no more than a hasty weekend. The OE would have to wait.

Since then, I’ve had a few relationships and a few promotions under my belt. Each time I entered a relationship, I put the prospect of moving overseas aside, as was the case whenever I got promoted in my career. It got to the point where the idea of an OE was nothing more than exactly that – an idea.

Which is where we come to now.

In early 2018, I had my heart broken. And I mean frozen and then smashed with a hammer into a million pieces kind of broken. But as much as it hurt (and boy did it), it opened my eyes up to a few revelations I didn’t know about myself.

1. I’ve never really spent that much time single in between relationships, and I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be alone and still happy.
2. My own happiness always took a back seat while I catered to pleasing others, all while I maintained a smile on my face – giving the impression I wasn’t cracking under the veil of self-neglect.
3. I had been anchoring myself to New Zealand for too long based on the fantasy of settling down with a partner.
4. I hated working in a corporate environment. The company I worked for was consistently named each year in the list of best employers of NZ. And yet I never felt like I truly felt engaged and motivated. It was a stable role – yes – but the stability was only something that I valued whilst still having some prospect of starting a family.
5. I’m an overthinker. I waste far too much time wondering “what if” and “why did that happen” instead of looking forward and seeking the new opportunities.
6. And lastly – that I wasn’t doing anything about the above.

My commitment now is to take half a year off, to focus on my own happiness over others, travel to places I’ve only dreamed of travelling to, and also take the time to reevaluate what career I’d see myself doing when I get back.

I originally called this an early mid-life crisis. But the more I think about it, the more I see this as a late wake up call.

It scares me a little to think about having to prepare for what could be the biggest shake up of my life! Who knows where this could take me?

So this brings us back to the start.

Today I quit my job.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself — Leo Tolstoy